Chapter 1
"Kyla, will you marry me?" Joshua asked, hesitant. A rush of thoughts swam through my brain. I felt a million emotions stream through my body. I was so overwhelmed, I thought I might pass out. "J-Joshie..." I stuttered. "Kyla, I know this is a huge step, but I am in love with you!" Joshua interrupted. He looked so desperate, as if he needed me to say yes for him to survive. I thought about it. I loved him, I really really did. I wanted to be with him more than anything. I was about to answer, when I looked closer at the ring. My mom's ring. She was still controlling me.
"Joshie" I whispered. "I-I can't." "Kyla, we've been together for four years! I'm so sure I love you-" He pressed, looking helpless and desperate. "I love you too, Joshua. I love you more than anything in the world. I wouldn't be able to live without you. But Josh, I have so much going on right now... I was chosen, by my family who hates me, to continue their legacy. I moved from a mansion in the big city to a shack in a small town...I just can't right now. I love you to the moon and back, though. You know that!" I rambled on, trying to spare his feelings. I felt more guilty by every word that came out of my mouth. My mom did this to me, you know. She made me feel guilty for ever wanting anything. I could never accept anything. I wanted this, but I was afraid to accept it.
"It's okay, Kyla. I know a lot is happening in your life right now." He said, trying to sound convincing. He reached for my cheek, and I held his hand there. I never wanted him to let go. "I love you" I whispered. "Let's go get something to eat." He replied. I let his hand drop in shock. He was mad at me. I thought he understood! "Josh..." I started, to angry to finish. We had never fought before, in the five years we had known each other, and neither of us knew how to react to it. "Let's go." He finished for me, not making eye contact. This gave me a chance to study his eyes. He looked like he might cry, his eyes were so filled with hurt. We got in the taxi and I stared out the window, allowing a single tear to roll down my cheek.
Once we got there, we had both had time to cool down. We sat at a small booth in the back, and I decided to break the awkward silence. "What are you getting?" I asked, cautiously. "Eh, maybe just a bowl of pasta." He replied. I studied him. He said it like nothing had happened. I felt relieved, maybe he had gotten over it. We ate the rest of our meal in silence, though I doubt it was because of hunger. I could literally feel the guilt eating away at me. I ate about two bites of my Autumn Salad, and I suddenly wasn't hungry. I sat and watched him as he ate. He didn't necessarily seem angry, just disappointed. What did he think he'd get, using my mom's ring?! He knows how much I disliked her! I was practically fuming by the time we left.
The next morning, we both had our first day of work. He was already off to his job at the Business building by the time my alarm rang for me to get ready for my job at the hospital. I wondered if he was still mad at me for the day before. I decided to brush it off and put on a smile for my first work day. Work was tiring for both of us. We both napped when we got home.
I woke up to an arm around me. I squinted my eyes open a little bit, just to see Joshua's loving face looking down at me. I smiled and cuddled into him. His grip got tighter around me. "I love you Kyla." He whispered as he kissed my forehead. "I love you, too" I mumbled, my voice muffled by his chest.
I lifted my head, and slid up the bed. Joshua's soft hand reached for mine, and his soft, full lips kissed it. "I'm so sorry about yesterday my dear Kyla." He soothed. I could tell he meant it, and I found myself smiling. "It wasn't your fault Joshie," I replied, suddenly wanting nothing more than his lips on mine.
He felt the same way. Before I knew it, I was melting into his arms yet again. "Joshua..." I muttered between his lips. I didn't get to finish, as he responded by kissing me harder, and more passionate. A small sigh escaped my mouth. I wondered where Joshua learned this.
When he finally pulled away, all I could do was stare at him. I don't know what it was, but I couldn't look away. He still held me in his arms, and he looked down at me in such a loving way, that I couldn't help but smile. I then realized he had been making me smile more in the past few days, than I had any other time in my life. He shifted his weight slightly, so he was almost on top of me. I was a little caught off guard, but I didn't stop him.
He looked into my eyes, with looking as if he were asking for permission. I nodded slightly, feeling a drip of sweat slide down my neck. What was I getting myself into? Soon, he was looking down at me. I don't remember how it happened, but I have to admit I liked it. He was slowly getting closer to my face. I knew what would happen if I didn't stop him... but did I want to?
We both dreamt of little babies that night.
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